Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I was tired of fighting.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

I was tired of trying and failing.

I am skinny, I have been doing 100 pushups a day for more than a month and am seeing very few results, everything is so unfair, I workout more than anyone I know and am still skinny, why cant I build muscle?

I had run out of hope.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

How does it feel to be in a marriage without any love?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

The sadness was still there.

If you believe in God, do you think God can save you from cancer?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

And the sadness?

Be who you already are.

She was a Disney star with platinum records, but Bridgit Mendler gave it up to change the world - Ars Technica

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Has anyone who has been a victim of a narcissist made contact with the other victims of the narcissist? Did it help to confirm what you suspected about the narcissists?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

How can I watch porn on TikTok?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It’s still here.

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What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Why is Roblox so laggy it’s unplayable? My computer is fine and the internet is great.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

You are like me, then.

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What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It’s here now, writing to you.